Saturday, February 21, 2009
Juliet had her first day at the beach yesterday. Aunty Lyndall and I went to Frankston Beach and looked at Dinosaur sand sculptures, and then we ate fish and chips, and ten we took a dip. Juliet wasn't sure what to make of the water- she seemed to like it, but hated sitting in it!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
So- someoen (Lyndall...) told me to watch a program on different forms of childrearing. The first one is all about a strict schedule... feeding on a rigid schedule- withholding food during the day so that the will be hungrier at night, they only get 10 mins of cuddle time, They get put down at night and left there for 12 hours, you let them CIO from birth...... that just made me se fucking mad. OMG How can you force a newborn to sleep for 12 hours at a time? 10 mins of cuddle time? That's all they get? Of course they sleep a long time- because they give up hope. It breaks my hearts for those misinformed mothers and their poor screaming babies. I'm going to raise Juliet the natural way- by following my maternal instincts.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I've spent the last few days cleaning out Dad's appartment. I felt like a Vulture. Who wants what and what gets thrown away. I was doing ok... until we hit Dad's tools. Throwing some of them out felt so wrong. They were his life.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
It's taken me some time to get my emotions in check to write this post. As many readers may know by know, we discovered my father passed away last Wednesday. At this time we are not sure how long he's been gone, and with all the heat... well I am sure everyone who reads this blog can work out what that means. I cannot escape the image of him being in his car for days or weeks and the way he must have looked when he was found. I try to think about the person he was alive instead of what he became after death.
My emotions are all over the place. I am so upset that my father is no longer alive. It's hardly real- I found myself reaching for the phone to call him today and realised he will never again answer that call. I'm angry that he didn't wait until I came home in December to meet Juliet. I'm saddened by the fact that he felt that desperate that he had to do this. I'm devestated that he will never know Juliets first word, or when she takes her first step.
Juliets needs have been keeping me from loosing it. She doesn't understand of course, so I need to be a mum first and a grieving daughter second.
I fly to Australia on the 14th. I have had so much organizing to do. Plane tickts, a passport for Juliet, packing, changing appointments... and so much more. Being busy has helped a LOT, but as I get everything sorted out, it leaves me more time to think. And I don't know how ready for that I am.
I'm haunted by not knowing how long it took us to find him- not knowing leaves room for the imagination. Thank god for my daughter.
Monday, February 02, 2009
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