Friday, October 06, 2006

Why 

Why is it that he still has such conrtol over me. Why is it that when I dream of him, I feel a blackness, a despair in my soul? Why is it that I can't seem to move beyond this one event in my life? It's not like I won't meet someone again- I'm pretty right? But each person I meet, I seem to do my damndest to push them away. I I want to be loved... but..... I want to be loved by J.
Why is is that I have a burning desire to call him, even knowing he won't answer. Why is it that I want to write to him, even though I know he'll never read it. I want to reach out to him, I want him to know how much I am suffering over the choice that was made. Not the loosing him, although that is hard too, but the loosing of my hopes, my dreams, my child. It's like I am hollow, like I just can't see another day.

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