Monday, February 27, 2006
Distraught
I am typing this in the heat of dispair, so in many ways it would be a blog that may or may not make sence. I do not often truely fully open my heart on these pages because I do not know who will read them and offer uneeded sympathy or advice, but I have the urge to reach out and make things seem normal again and writing seems the only way. I am up late tonight, trying to finish a paper that is due tomorrow, and I recieve a text message from my one and only- Jon. I figure it's him saying goodnight- it's late he has to be up ealry, and I am surprised, he never texts me. The dizziness from yesterday has not gone away and the pills the doc gave me is not helping yet. The room spins more as I read the message- I think it's over between you and Jon. I see stars before my eye as my world explodes. I try and think it must be a joke, Carl or Squeeks maybe, it does not seem Jons style..... but then my rational mind crashes. Over? I call- no answer. I text a flippant message. I can't stop myself I am spiriling into obsessive freak-out girlfriend mode. I text again. Call.... god... 10-20 calls. I know I must find comfort, I must know. I call John (my ex) I figure he will be awake, and as much as I know Glenn cares about me he will offer unwanted advice and "I told you so" I don't need that. I need a friend to hold me as I cry trying to sort out what is real. I don't have anyone like that. John listens while I sob.
I spent Saturday night in his arms. He held me Sunday, asked my advice. and today this? ANother text comes in. "I think your bf is hot" and another "Can I take him home with me". This has to be some sick joke. But I can't get him on the phone. Did he leave his phone at carls? Is he trying to play off this first message. I don't know.
Through it all the world spins lazilly- Horizontal Vertigo the Doc called it earlier today. Am I crazy?
I spent Saturday night in his arms. He held me Sunday, asked my advice. and today this? ANother text comes in. "I think your bf is hot" and another "Can I take him home with me". This has to be some sick joke. But I can't get him on the phone. Did he leave his phone at carls? Is he trying to play off this first message. I don't know.
Through it all the world spins lazilly- Horizontal Vertigo the Doc called it earlier today. Am I crazy?
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