Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Earlier this year many of you will remember that my kitty Stimpy died. At the time I wrote a poem expressing what I felt, and just to see what would happen entered it into a poetry contest (poetry.com). Last night I got a letter...... it's getting published! It's going to be in a collection of poetry works. :D I am hoping that this will be a step towards maybe writing a full book some day- who knows?
Here is the poem:
Soft white and brown hair,
Big green eyes with an intelligent stare
Huge paws and a big fluffy tail
I came home one day and you were there
The things you used to do
Still brings smiles to my face
Wrapping your tail around our legs
Leaving cookie crumbs all over the place
Digging into a box of peanuts
Stealing my bear for your perch
Sleeping aginst our legs
Purring like a motor boat.
Taking care of your brother Tiny
Begging for treats every night
Telling us your day in meows
Coming to check on us should we fight.
You were regal and proud,
And sometimes quite the wuss
And though you are gone
We will love you none the less.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Just an addendum to my last post. I just opened my purse to take out the $20 that the women gave me..... it was actually 2 $20 bills!
Christmas is the time of year where the "holiday spirit" is meant to come out and we are all meant to help each other. Generally this is buried benieth the parking space wars, stressful long lines, and fighting over that last stuffed reigndeer. But last night I got a TRUE glimpse of the christmas spirit and the kindness of pure strangers. Lacking any immediate funds to pay for food and lodging while I am out of my apartment I went to Walmart last night to return all the xmas gifts I had purchased for Jon and my families. I thought I had the reciept in one of the bags, but when I got there it turns out it wasn't. Walmart policy is that without a reciept they will only give a gift card.
I get to the door and a kindly man checks in my stuff putting the little pink stickers on, we talked a little (there was a lot of stuff and it took a little while) and he asked why I was returning everything. I explained that there was a fire at my complex and I needed the funds for food and lodging and he told me that he was sorry to hear that. I explained that I was just glad my cats and I were safe. So I headed to customer service, where the guy very nicely and patiently explained that he couldn't help me without my reciept (You could tell he wanted to, but was just a flunky and couldn't) and I burst into tears, just as the kindly old man from the door walked past. He took my arm, and lead me to a manager explained what had happened to me. She got my credit card, and the went to the safe and managed to print out a duplicate reciept in order for me to return the items. Just before this kindly man walked away, he leaned over, pressed something into my hand and said "Have a merry Christmas". I looked down to find $50, which prompted another bought of tears.
As I waited my turn, furiously wiping away my tears (how dare I cry when I was so fortunate???) a lady asked me what was going on and if I was ok. I explained, fire, everything ok, needed receipt to return gifts.... and so on and so forth. She says- you're in the grey place, 2 stories right? I said yes. She says- I just saw that on the news (side note- yahoo my building is famous *rolls eyes*). After returning my items, she leans over to give me a hug and then says- I don't have much, and presses a $20 bill into my hand. I protested, saying that I couldn't possibly take it, but she insisted.
I will probabley never see these people again, and god knows I am not a religious person, but I hope and pray that they have the same great goodness returned to them that they showed me last night.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Well I for one am glad this year is finally over. First it was the Bankrupcy, then it was the job struggle, then I lost my car and now my apartment caught fire. Well not my apartment specifically, just the furnace/boiler room benieth the stairs of my apartment. So this morning I had a really rude wake up call around 5.30 by my downstairs neighbour to a house full of smoke. I inhaled a bit while trying to get the cat carrier out, and then trying to capture the cats, so I am a bit croakey now, but thankfully we all got out ok and safe. They had the worst of it out by 7.30ish and they allowed us back inside to get dressed (which was great seeing as I was standing in the snow in my slippers and dressing gown) and they finally left around 8.30ish. My downstairs neighbour was impacted the worst. The fire burned into her closet and she has smoke and water damage to all her clothers, I had the worst smoke in mine, so it smells to high heaven and there may be some damage to the electric equipment, but we don't know yet as there is no power to check. I'm staying in a hotel for now, and will probabley go back tonight to start cleaning my apartment (they had to unload the stairwell closet into mine so I have stuff EVERYWHERE)but I am find and that's what's important right?
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
It's strange the things that stimulate the senses. The things that make you excited or sad or joyous, or lonely. The reactions you get to certain things can sometimes surprise you. Like last night, I was watching Stargate on DVD and someone rolled over in Bed showing a flash of a bisep, and the curve of the armpit. Nothing sexual at all, but it set me off thinking of Jon. Of the feel of his skin under my fingertips, of the curve of his collerbone, the sweep of his shoulder. The smell of him as he sleeps. As I talked to him last night, listening to the sound of his voice, I could feel myself cuddled up behind him. It made me so lonely to know that I was there alone, even though i could feel him next to me. As he told me of the looks he got in his new cowboy hat, I could see his eyes sparkle, knowing that he was enjoying every moment. Today, at work, someone came in wearing his cologne. And the smell made me think of walking through the mall hand in hand, wandering around Maine, watching a movie, tickling each other and watching the cats race out of our way.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Why is it that this time of year is so full of ups and downs? The joy of giving gifts to the people I care about, and the downs of family. Things with Jon's family are still strained. I wrote them a letter, and I hoped that I would at least be acknowlged. But low and behold Jon got a Christmas card from them, that was not addressed to both of us (unlike last year when my name was also on all cards). *sigh* I must keep my head up and keep trying. It's so hurtful to be left out, especially at this time of year. I listen to him talk about gifts he is getting, and when they are going where and it pains me to know that I am not going with him. But I have to stand as the moral one in all this. I will not make him choose, becuase they are family and as yet I am not.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
You know, teh worst thing about back pain is when it is barely there. I would rather either have all or none. I've slept stiff the last couple of nights, and today I have this dull ache in my lower back which radiates down my leg. It's more annoying than painful, but each time I get up, or sit down, or do anything I get a little twinge and it's driving me crazy- mainly because I am afraid of doing any worse damage. I can't wait for my health insurance to kick in in February so I can finally take care of this!
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Yup, I got a new car. I am so thankful that my family was able to pull through and help me through this. It has not been easy. It's still not easy. The car has some maintenance work that needs to be done on it, which means I need to scrounge a ride at least once this week, so that it can be in the shop. But, I have wheels, and you can't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Did you know where that saying came from? It came from a time when horses were used as transportation. When you bought a horse, looking in their mouth- in specific their teeth- would tell you not only the age of the horse, but also it's condition (based on food, teeth wear etc). If you were given a horse, looking in the mouth would be offensive, like you were asking how much the horse cost. Because a better mouth cost more. Yup. Useless trivia of the day.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
So the last week and a bit has been a frustrating muddle of busses, begging rides and looking for a new car. Once upon a time I thrived in a world of public transportation, trains, trams, busses- there was no where I couldn't go. Sure sometimes it took an hour or so, but that was great reading time. So how bad could this really be right? Oh my Lord... it is AWFUL. There is one bus a day coming from where I live to the city, and one back out again. I have to transfer to 3 different busses to get from work to school, which is basically a straight line- and I STILL have to walk. A distance that took me 25 mins to drive takes me an hour and 15 mins to get to by public transportation. So yeah, classes are just about out of the question, although a great person in one of my classes has offered to give me rides, just because she's nice.
And to top of the crappy week, my legs have progressivly gotton number. First my toes, then it spreads up my legs to my lower back. Which makes walking difficult as I can't really feel my legs, it's like having pins and needles in both legs! More annoying than painful though, so I can deal with it, although there is a littl nagging worry in that this happened in May of 2003, and it ended with severe back pain. I REALLY don't want that to happen again. So without a car, I feel really restricted, because I don't want to excerise my back more than necessary.
But through this all I feel very positive. The loosing of my car has made it that I can get something better (and maybe even newer) for a lot less money, and be able to have some extra every month. None of this scraping of every penny for food or gas, I will finally be able to go out and DO stuff. Jon and I have finally reached a level playing field, where we can let our guard down and just BE together. We've had a wonderful couple of days, and his smile just makes me feel like a million bucks. So I guess loosing my car wasn't so bad after all. Just.... inconvientient.
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