Wednesday, July 28, 2004
So obviosly the last few days have been very rough. Losing Stimpy has shaken me more than I thought it could. He may not have been human, but he was someone I loved deeply, and the fact that he was so young and went so quickly makes it hard to accept. It is easier in that I have not seen him in 8 months, and I do not wake every day expecting him to be there. I am sorry for Glenn who must get over that. At least I am used to it. But in the end, my grief will not bring Stimp back. Does that make me a callous person? I don't know. All I know is that at times I cry, thinking of the things he used to do and does no longer. But I know life will go on, even though I miss you buddy.
Soft white and brown hair,
Big green eyes with an intelligent stare
Huge paws and a big fluffy tail
I came home one day and you were there
The things you used to do
Still brings smiles to my face
Wrapping your tail around our legs
Leaving cookie crumbs all over the place
Digging into a box of peanuts
Stealing my bear for your perch
Sleeping aginst our legs
Purring like a motor boat.
Taking care of your brother Tiny
Begging for treats every night
Telling us your day in meows
Coming to check on us should we fight.
You were regal and proud,
And sometimes quite the wuss
And though you are gone
We will love you none the less.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Something a friend wrote me:
Ode to a friend
by Luthien Tinuviel
Though I never knew him
I'm sure he was so great
Stimpy was a true friend
A wonderful pal and mate
His kitty friends adored him
His owner did so too
She loved him 'til the day he died
She loved him through and through
Though Stimpy is gone now
He is remembered with much love
He may not be on Earth with us
But he's watching from above
I can't get over how quickly Stimpy went. Maybe that is why my grief is so palpable. Tuesday he went to the vet. Wednesday we found he was sick. Sunday he was dead. Not even a week. No time to come to terms with the news he was sick and wouldn't survive. He wasn't in hospital for weeks or months, where the only option was sleep. He was purring on the table. He was meowing and showing life. Was he telling us it was ok? That it was time to go? Or was he asking for a chance to get better? Did we take away his life without giving him a chance??
Oh god. And I wasn't there. My baby was waiting for his mommy to come and hold him and I wasn't there. I wasn't there because I thought about another. About those around me and how it would hurt them if I went. I didn't think of myself and how it hurts now because I didn't. Damn him, damn you all. Glenn, Jon, everyone. Damn you all. Damn you Glenn for telling me the details. For making me feel guilt because I couldn't come. Damn you Jon for not seeing how important it was for me to be there. And Damn myself for not following my own damn heart.
Monday, July 26, 2004
For those who read this blog who don't know, Stimpy is now gone from this earth.
I remember him, a kitten. Coming into my apartment and settling on the living room floor. Meow. 'Hi I'm home' he seemed to say. Him cuddling with you at night, up against your legs. Or even coming to lay against y0u while you watched TV. I remember his head, two blinking eyes, starting at you through the cat door as you pulled in the drive. A meow as you opened the door, and then a rush to the cabinet where the cat treats were, 'talking' all the way. I remember bringing Tiny home, and Stimp who could crush him with one paw- being deathly afraid. I remember the first time I caught Stimp bathing Tiny, the guilty look "No Mum, really, I wasn't bathing him". Him meowing at Glenn's airsoft stuff, him strutting all over the house. Everyone loved him, the mellow beautiful animal.
He was only 5 years old. He was still a baby. I didn't think that he would pass for many years. But he is gone now, taking a piece of my heart with him. My baby, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you as you let go of life. But you know I loved you, and you know I was thinking of you. And I just hope there is lots of grass in kitty heaven.
Friday, July 23, 2004
It seems that I have been bitten by the writing bug recently. Poetry, short sketches, all seem to be flowing from my fingers. Here are the most recent things I've written:
A Vampire Poem (written in a forum where one posted a vamp poem, so I wrote one)
Light spilling out to the street
Dancing over the puddles of rain
A shadow stands watching
The night will never be the same
Music pounds the walls
Laughter trembles on the air
Tonight is a night for dancing
Party goers beware.
The door opens
Spitting out a stumbling man
He stops and stares across the way
At a stunning woman
Skin the color of burnished gold
A smile as broad as the sea
Hair flaxen as the sun
He thinks "Lucky me"
Approaching slowly he takes her han
dAnd leads her to a secluded place
His deire overwhelming him
For the beauty of her face
But the extasy he finds
Is not the one he sought
For as she leans to kiss his neck
His life becomes fraught.
She pulls away, licks her lips
And smiles as the blood pounds in her heart
Walking away, leaving his body behind
To wait for the next druken victim.
Haiku: (A Haiku competition is going at the CinemaBlend.com in the Leaky Pen Forum)
Beach sounds are calming
Waves tied to the silver moon
I don't want to leave
Dirt stuck on my shoe
Leafs and twigs stuck in my hair
Hiking makes me tired
Chill is in the air
Sunset light moving slowly
Boy how I love life
Dusty path behind
Dirt coating my hiking boot
Boy am I tired
And this one posted by Absy I love so I am posting for you to read:
Sand gets in my suit
Rubs in all the wrong places
Beach nooky won't work
And A Charecture Sketch.
You can smell him when you walk in the room. Not an unpleasant scent. One that makes you think of working hard outside and bathing in a cool stream. Of candelight dinners and making love. He lies on the bed, one hand flung over his head, the other resting by his side. His head is turned slightly to the side, mouth open and his breath deep in sleep. A fan flicks cool air over his body, washing his smell to where you stand. Street lights outside wash a yellow light over his skin, highlighting the curves of his hips and stomach. The light plays with his body as he breathes, making patterns of light and dark. His hands are large, calloused- working hands. A scar mars one hand, an area he seems to protect in sleep. Strong arms and wide shoulders give a hint at his strength belied by his slender frame. His chest is large, from years of swimming, and it rised gently as he sleeps. A taunt stomach slopes down from the chest, and the fan stirs a small baby soft line of hair from his belly button down. Soft hair also stirs on his legs. Strong thighs, tight calfs, a man who uses his legs daily.But his true beauty is in his face. Long lashes resting on his cheek, a slight flush to his burnt honey skin. Thick cherub lips, just begging to be kissed. An angel fallen to earth to sleep.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
There is nothing as relaxing in the world as being loved. There is a feeling that is indiscribable in it's ability to sink into your whole being like a warm shower. It is like nothing can harm you.
Lightning strikes outside
Flashes illuminating the room with light
Patter patter of the rain on the porch
Distand rumbles of thunder
Pillows and Sheets cradling the body
Softly sinking into slumber
Your body warming
Your hand holding mine
Soft gentle breathing
Feeling your chest rise and fall
A Turn of head
Kiss on my shoulder
Oh glory- I am loved
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Do you ever notice that when you move into a new home you have issues sleeping? There are sounds you are not used too, lights on the walls from passing cars or no lights where there once was. A breeze coming through a window, or teh lack of breeze. Even your bed feels different. Since I have moved I have yet to get a full nights sleep. This weekend we are meant to go camping and I am soo not looking forward to sleeping on the ground. But maybe I will sleep better that way.
The worst thing about sleeping, is that as soon as I get into a deep sleep, it's time to get up for work.... must kill the alarm.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
These last few days I have been so moody and I don't know why. Maybe it was the argument that Jon and I had Friday. Maybe it was that we didn't get to talk about it until Sunday night because his family was always around. Maybe it was just the fact that his family was here. I don't know. But EVERYTHING is getting on my nerves these last few days. We finally moved into our apatment where we will be living for the next year. We had talked some about how we wanted to set things up, and so that what I did.... and now Jon is saying that he is living in my apartment. Do all guys feel that way? I mean, His stuff is out as well as mine, i'ts not like it's only my stuff around the house. In fact, is see more of his belongings than mine. Am I being so selfish, or is it just my attitude.... do I even HAVE an attitude? I kept trying to get his input and he said he didn't care, but then he did care and it was all so confusing. *sigh*
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Just a quick blog seeing as I am at work and anyone can see me as they walk by. I have great news. I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance. Wait. That's teh Tv Ad. Never mind. lol
No really, I got told today that the department I am working in wants to keep me full time after my time upstairs temping for neonatal. Things have gotton good around here once they realized my professiency at the computer. I am compiling all the research data for the doctor, and it seems I may be able to make some changes here after all.
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